scared

Wow, I just feel so freakin scared. I dont know it if too much too soon. Counseling with belinda, aca, looking for apartments, the thought of moving out on my own, the promotion, added work, wondering if i would/should date right away? wondering if cal would date right away? wondering if i will go crazy alone. wondering if i should move back. realizing i am stuck - there are no jobs in cleveland. wishing i had more savings. realizing moving in with a girl will kill all my savings. wanting to do something i love and care about. a person, a career. feeling stagnent. wanting to feel happy. just real, down and dirty, happiness. scared about how depressed and anxious i am about the future. wanting to jump -- but cant. feeling alone and embarrassed to tell anyone anything. wondering if 5htp + st.johns wort are good or bad? wondering about parasites, yeast, mercury...... arghhhhhhhh. i have to take a break!!!! but then again i feel like i havent moved in the direction i want to in forever. wonder if i am being emotionally abused? wondering if i am a fool for sticking it out? wondering if i will be alone forever? Wanting something safe and comforting. wanting something solid and for sure. sick of worrying.

this too shall pass......