Letting go of the worry

You don't have to 'control' things like you did at at cindy/emily and my house warming party - where you couldnt relax and have fun. Sometimes you just have to go oh well, let the cards fall where they may and just let go and have FUN. Its ok to have fun. It feels like theres always something to worry about or take care of or clean up. You can just gently say, thats not my problem, let it go and just enjoy and have fun.

How freeing. I am not going to be the 'fixer-upper' anymore. I am going to allow myself to have fun and just let go even if there feels like there are things that need to be worried about. I am just going to not 'try' to be a certain person... I am going to just be 100% me.

from gaps forum

Re: tired of the weight gain!

Kathy,

It IS hard when you're going through transition--in labor or in GAPS! :P

The hardest thing is to hold on while the body heals. One of the things a
T-Tapp trainer told us at a clinic that really stuck with me over my inch loss
journey is that often we'll plateau and what do we do? We cut our calories more
or up our cardio, etc. She said (and she is also a nurse!) that our bodies need
to regroup. Losing weight/inches is a good thing, but it is still a stress on
the body, and it needs time to rebalance before going on. Giving it time,
staying consistent with what you were doing is the way to go, not change it all
up and try a new diet or add 2 more hours of exercise!

I relate that to GAPS this way--unless there are obvious triggers, maybe just
staying the course, hanging in there and letting the body heal and regroup is
the best thing to do. Of course, when you have to buy *bigger* clothes, that
sure isn't encouraging! :( But if we could see this as only a transition
time--just like labor, it seems so intense, that it is lasting forever and that
you just can't handle one more contraction---yet it also means the birth is very
close. Of course in GAPS it's not all over in an instant like birth! But
truly, in my experience with Schwarzbein, T-Tapp and now GAPS--when I feel I
just can't do it one more day, there is usually a breakthrough, however small,
just around the corner. Might be my chocolate cravings going from 50 on a scale
of 1-10 to just a 5! ;) Or maybe all of a sudden, ALL the post-nasal drip is
just.....gone. Or maybe my endurance when I teach my exercise classes is better
for no other explainable reason--even though the week before I had to do fewer
repetitions and kick out after every move!

Of course, go through and see if maybe some things are triggering the weight
gain--could be water retention.

I don't want to turn this into a commercial for T-Tapp, but I have wondered if I
got through the Intro better than I anticipated because I was working out or
teaching 2-3 classes a week? I don't know. Not that I sailed through with no
problems! But I know it's a very lymphatic exercise and helps flush toxins out
anyway, so maybe it was helping do "double duty" with Intro! :)

Wish I could give you a real hug! If nothing else, you have a tremendous
support group here that understands!

HUGS!

~Trisch

thought

We know from general psychology that one of the best ways to dispel an emotion is to acknowledge it.

triggers

Triggers:

Peas/xylitol mints.... (coffee)

After lunch my stomach isnt digesting well. I feel bubbly and churning.

Need to stick to tea... coconut butter, coconut flakes.

Last night stomach was soooo painful after kefir & a few raspberries/banana chips.

So NO fruit after dinner and no dairy.

Can have: Coconut milk, coconut flour, flakes, tea

Argh, sick of the bloating.

From Aunt Maureen

Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements?

agreement 1

Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

agreement 2

Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

agreement 3

Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

agreement 4

Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

LDN day three

Well, I feel wonderful this morning. I think its a lot because of my talk with Annette last night. Man, that woman is talented. And I feel SO good getting stuff off my chest. I go from angry, bitter, not wanting to talk to anyone, stuck in my own head --- to calm, happy, wanting to be engaged with people, and more OUTward thinking. This is huge. Talking is SO beneficial. Its like checking something off the to-do list, then I can move on with life and not be so stressed. Now things like the sign for Eldon dont seem so overwhelming to me.

I feel really calm this morning. I think the LDN is making some things 'worse' for the time being... my eyes hurt, my left knee kills, having some twitching, BUT I think I am waking up with a bit of euphoria. I mean - I washed my car this morning and felt fine (!) I feel like I can just accept life today and actually be at peace with it and happy. I'm trying to think of all the good things Annette said yesterday. One that family members know, and they dont like to be told about their loved ones - like I wouldnt want Sav complaining to me about Paul drinking, even though I know he does to an excess sometimes. That was a great way to look at it. And 2) Annette said that things werent 'good enough' for me - and I knew I deserved better, which is so true. I mean, I am trying to go towards health - and am in a house with drugs? I mean, come on. Also she said he grandma who was married for like 60 years said she knew her husband wouldn't take care of her if she got sick. And how SAD that is! Wow, that hit home. I mean, if I wasnt sick now - I would be at SOME point in my life and you want your life partner to BE THERE for you. I mean, he is just stopped trying.

I think the LDN is working on my gut. It feels good this morning. I am excited to see what other changes happen. I will report them on here!!!

Right now - I just FEEL GOOD. Calm and ready to take on life. Things dont seem so dire or scary or depressing or hard. They just seem OK. I am SO lucky I found Annette. She is amazing. I feel put together and composed and classy.

Oh my tongue looks much better ---- and right now there are less/no ridges on the sides (!!!)

:)

My Happy List

- Going with my gut - my TRUE self, my INNER guide

- It feels GOOD to stick up for myself and be strong

- The only reason I was in that was because I was weak

- I want to be treated like an equal, and with CLASS

- Now I am more mature, and want something calmer

- Just like Paul thought all girls were crazy drunks, then found a nice girl

- I just need ME time - to explore and to be FREE, hang out with whoever I want

- It is going to feel SO relieving to LET GO

- I have come SO far in just a few months - imagine what else I will accomplish

- Nicole, Eldon - sign/design for soul spa, alyssa, gaps group, andrew, etc, hiking, weston a price,

- I was true to myself, every CELL within me said to GET OUT

- I was a FAMILY one day - I have goals, I want a safe and secure household - something I never had

- I had to walk away from the WEED, the verbal abuse, the meanness, the coldness, the arogence, the 'not getting me', The vulgarness, the rudeness, the depression, the FORCEFULNESS, the jabbing, cold, hard comments, the criticalness, the micromanaging, the pain, the not listening to my worries - health, weed, helping with house, my future, helping with bills, money, my car,

- BV

- thrush not getting better - the STRESS

- can have calm, relaxing days to do whatever I feel like

- have the money and security to pay off my car, school loans, pay for supplements, etc.

- Gave MYSELF priority - but myself #1 and MY PATH - not following his path

- Imagine moving up there? Getting a job? Being around the weed?

- I LEFT, I chose to leave

- I was always just trying to HOLD ON one more day

- Trying to make him something he wasnt. Trying to make him caring, responsible, nice, considerate, not an asshole, thoughtful, no cold, not angry.

- BABIES, BABIES, BABIES - One of my very own.

- I am so strong. I now KNOW that I can get through anything.

- It has been much EASIER to handle my problems without him.

- Now, I can walk with my head held high.

- Eldon - I am the whole package - creative, pretty, intelligent, etc. Everything!

- Put myself on this pedastal.

- Maybe my reason for coming out here was different - it was for FAMIILY, my ONE TRUE LOVE. my little brother. I love him sooo deeply I cant even express it.

- I have learned through all of this to ALWAYS BE 100% MYSELF NO MATTER WHAT. I WILL NEVER GIVE THAT UP AGAIN. 100%.

What I used to be like...

OK - so I used to go crazy exercising as HARD as I could - swimming, running, crunches... I lived off of fruit (sugar), Coffee (adrenal busting) salads (hard to digest) ricecakes (carbs! sugar), Wine (sugar) thinking I was healthy.

Now I sustain my bloodsugar with easy to digest steamed veggies, good fats like butter and coconut oil, good bacteria from kraut, no alcohol, no sugar - so no bloodsugar crashes, no more gum (aspartame) no coffee (good bacteria killing and acid and contains gluten) Have EGGS now which are full of vit. A and D, etc.

NOW I just need to find a BALANCE. I found the foods that dont hurt my gut anymore - I just need to figure out how I can keep my energy up and lose weight. Eat less? NO grains or fake sugars, or coffee, or ricecakes, or fruit, or chocolate. But I did that for so long? I think I just need to find a happy MEDIUM between what I used to be like and what I am doing now.

I can do it!! Just PAUSE when I need to. and Love myself. and just cut back a little. every little bit makes a difference.

Calmness

I feel very CALM lately. Robin makes me laugh. Its nice to laugh again. I feel so much more fulfilled and coming closer to 'having a spring in my step again'. I feel like its OK if I am just chugging along - doing my job but taking care of health stuff. This is my path and what I need to do right now and I am OK with it. This weekend I am not freaked out about spending time alone, in fact I am kind of looking forward to it. Its nice to have travis, justin, nicole, to talk to. Its nice to have this time to explore and like missy said - when she was single found herself in strange situations. I am more at peace because even if I sounded crazy, I got some stuff off of my chest - and it may have come from a place of scaredness - but it still needed to get out. I am at peace that things just are the way they are. As bethany says - GO FOR YOURS. and I am. connecting with people, doing gaps, exlporing different avenues, RESTING - damn that feel good. I LIKE being home. I like having my house a comfy, serene place where no one gets mad at you. I like feeling safe, secure and respected. I just feel like I can sleep if I need to, take my time getting better - putzing around, and its OK. I just feel so at PEACE. is it the cortisol manager, the magnesium? Is it I just feel good that I did what I WANTED to do and what was best for me - and did not let someone push me around. Ahhhh, it feels good to stick up for yourself!!!! I know I am getting to the point - where I can look back at that miserable, crying person I was - as if she is someone else. I want to just console her but I know that she will get to my side eventually, she just has to do it on her own time. I just look at her - as if I am her good friend, loving her through it and calmly knowing, its going to be OK.

tough times

My hair starting falling out when I started thyroid. Or was it just the low-carb that was doing it? I had been on gaps for like 6 months. I got my period which was good.

I am just so tired. And I am scared that I have gotten up to 140 pounds! Ugh I have not felt this gross in a looooooooong time. Part of me just wants to give up on everything. I feel like a failure with life. I am so sad and feel so unattractive and fat. I miss cal. or i miss being with someone. I miss getting attention/affection. But then again, it was never consistent with him. It was like pulling teeth. It never just came freely. I wonder what the heck was up with that? I just want some affection - from someone that I actually want affection from. From someone that interests me and that I want to be around. Why is it that most people just bore the heck out of me? I guess most things bore the heck of out me right now in my life.

Good news is - day 2 of no coffee and my elimination today was sooooooo good! I will keep it as JUST a weekend thing. That is it! Feeling good to just have juice in the morning too. I really am not hungry and it feels good to have a clean bowel. and to have something light. Going to keep this up during the week and have a light dinner and hopefully be able to trim down. Also doing a decent amount of coconut oil to help metabolism. More raw liver to help get my iron up. And hopefully this endocrinologist will have something to say, though I am very doubtful!!! WHY is my hair falling out still??? My adrenals? Maybe I should have Dr.Cowan give me something else for my adrenals? Or start taking cortisol manager again? It is just so much $$$ I dont know where to turn. I just want to feel better, lose weight, have a normal thyroid and get rid of this candida! Do I need to get my fillings out? That just seems like it could make things worse!

I just pray to god that things WILL get better. I just need time and some love - luckily mom is coming out and I am going home. That will be a wonderful distraction from all this. Things will get better and I will get stronger. My digestion just needs to pick up the pace.