Thursday, June 28, 2012

These impatient ones, pity them

A very angry trainer complained, "Grains, sugar, even GMOs aren't the problem. Lack of discipline is the problem. If the people on your page would stop sniveling about what the problems are and just stop eating them, and get off the couch and hire a trainer, they wouldn't look like disgustingly fat toadstools."

His perspective isn't uncommon, so since he has put words to a sentiment I find unfortunately shared by too many, let's address several key points here.

Discipline is not an attitude, but rather it is a momentum. You can rarely, "Just do it," unless you've already built up the capacity. You're capable of doing anything within the inertia you've already generated.

Like pushing a boulder over small bumps (challenges), you can overcome the size which your momentum allows. But a larger hill will rob your inertia and stop your boulder rolling if you do not add greater energy to it, in the proper amount, at the right time and at sufficient distance before the challenge. If you wait too long, too close, to try and build up more inertia, then the boulder will slow, stop and may even start to roll back on you.

This is the problem many people have looking backwards on challenges they've overcome. They neglect to realize it was not merely a choice to roll the boulder over the small bumps they encountered, but rather the inertia already generated long before. Even if they only had to add a little effort to it, it is the momentum which predominantly achieved the challenges.

When you face a new challenge, you need to take a running start at it: surveil the terrain for the small preliminary bumps which siphon off your momentum, gauge the distance required to build up sufficient speed, estimate the additional requirements you must invest so that when you hit the base of the mountain, you're not surprised that your boulder slows and becomes a grinding effort.

Discipline is only a choice within the bandwidth of prior preparation. When you find people complaining that you should just suck it up and gut it out, try to remain patient with them, and keep compassionate of the surprise life is about to throw them. They are in far worse a situation than they know, for when they encounter a significant challenge which their current inertia cannot easily overcome, the weight of that poor preparation will crush their will, catastrophize their thoughts, and pollute their self-perception into one of weakness and incompetency. The language they now use toward others will suddenly be turned on themselves, and we are a sadistic self-critic.

These impatient ones, pity them. Life is coming. It is far more dangerous to be overconfident and fail to prepare, than to accept your doubts and successfully prepare.

V/R,
Scott Sonnon
v/r,
Scott Sonnon www.facebook.com/ScottSonnon
www.positiveatmosphere.com
www.flowcoach.tv

honesty

You can't be totally honest with everyone and everything. You can't be transparent. Some things you have to let go. This is just life. There are things I wouldnt tell work.

But I like being transparent. Because I tend not to be.

Monday, June 25, 2012

taken advantage of

Wow, what an eye opener to talk to Patrick. I mean it was nothing new, just confirmed how I was feeling. 'Dude he wont get a job' keeps playing over and over in my head. Sucky thing is, that I feel like my life is so empty and unimportant that it stings that much more. That I let this guy openly take advantage of me and then go leave and take the easy route ... He is so naive. Just thinks I would move there when he is so broke, living off his mom. Would it be comfy, sure. Would I not be lonely for a short time, sure. Is it safe? Hell no. Is it smart? Hell no. Would I be proud? Hell no. Would I regret it soon? Probably. What about health insurance? 'Hes going to be my health insurance'. wow. God, please let me meet someone who has a brain in their head and a heart in their chest, please?? Is it that hard? I guess I knew this all along. All the signs are pointing to self-serving... Not cleaning up cat puke. Letting me cook meals for him over and over .. while he stayed at home and wrote or worked on music? WHYYYYY?? I dont understand. Is is because his uncle or whoever told him he'd only flip burgers? Or because his dad was 'famous' in his eyes?

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

youre-broke-because-you-want-to-be

A Harsh Reminder

I was reminded of this the other day when I was browsing through a bookstore at Miami International and my eyes fell on a new book titled You’re Broke Because You Want to Be.

It’s written by Larry Winget, a fellow who calls himself “The Pitbull of Personal Development,” whatever that means. Although I’ve never seen it, he is also the star of A&E’s reality series “Big Spender,” where – in cahoots with family members – he ambushes over-extended consumers in the middle of a shopping spree and offers a plan to straighten out their lives financially.

When it comes to saving and spending, Winget doesn’t believe people have money problems. Instead, they have behavior problems. And he doesn’t bother with any sweet talk. “I’m not the guy you go to so he can put his arm around you and say, ‘That’s okay, it will be alright.’ I’m the guy you go to when you are circling the drain.”

Winget says people who are sinking financially should forget about thinking positive thoughts and start taking positive action. “No one else is to blame for your situation,” he writes. “Broke didn’t sneak up on you in the night. A stack of unpaid bills didn’t show up while you weren’t looking. You didn’t suddenly get behind. You chose to spend your money the way you did. Your life is a reflection of the choices you have made. If you want a better life, start making better choices.”

Winget knows what he’s talking about. He grew up in Oklahoma so poor he had only one pair of pants to wear to school every day. When he got rich later in life, his business went under and he was forced to file personal bankruptcy. Within a few years, he was a multi-millionaire again.

He warns readers that there is no easy way to financial solvency. You either have to make more, spend less, or both. His book discusses dozens of blunt suggestions like these: Cut up the credit cards. Give up cable television. Get a cheaper car. Move. Give up your home phone – and get a new cell phone plan. Cut your insurance expense. Give up your high-speed internet connection. Stop eating out. Stop going out. Give up the salon. Drop the gym membership. Stop smoking. Sell stuff, “including the DVD collection.” (And perhaps the exotic birds, too.) He also has sensible advice about how readers can upgrade their skills and earn more.

Winget says, “I am not a blow-smoke-up-your-skirt, you-can-do-anything-with-a-positive-attitude kind of guy. I am a nose-to-the-grindstone, no-excuses-will-be-accepted kind of guy.”

This is a small book, but it packs a powerful punch. And perhaps its most important message is this: “Life is not made up of the haves and the have-nots – but rather the wills and the will-nots.”

This is a philosophy most Investment U readers have already adopted and put into practice. But, if you’re like me, you may have a circle of friends, co-workers, kids, or grandkids who are learning the hard way – or soon will be.

Do them a favor and tell them about this book. It’s blunt. It’s plainspoken. But if you really care about them, send it to them anyway. Perhaps anonymously, but send it.

Don't know how to feel

Ok, I know I should be working on the job search and portfolio and jeremys logo. I just dont know how to feel about dan, therefor dont know how to treat him.

Am I mad at him? Am I knowing this is going nowhere? Do I think he is uncap able of making a living. is he living in a dream world? what do i say to that? is he going to come to ohio and continue to mooch? what do i say preemptively? is it rude to say, are you going to be able to afford food in ohio? i can't buy that for you. I cant get mad at him for being broke, or can i? I know how hard it is, first hand to get something going .. and i have a degree! i know its all bad signs, but i keep hanging on? why? how long am i going to torture myself? i mean i look at jeremy and think its shitty that hes in a relationship that isnt 'going anywhere', but i am doing the same thing. hoping it'll get better but knowing it wont. and then getting mad in the meantime. with a situation that i kind of know what the deal is. we are just so different. and he spent much of his life doing drugs, so he is behind in life.

I guess I just have to find a way to be comfortable in the uncomfortableness. Keep my eyes on the prize and focus on good things that make me happy. A)prospects of a new cool job with new people B) being home! bbqs, family, twins, dating, etc C) being thankful for my job right now. D) paying off school loans E) looking into masters programs F) feeling calm again G) not dealing with my crazy roommate H) being able to help caleb, go to aa meetings with him I) see han F) jessy j and lou G) jesse mckay & jenny H) gardens I) MOM! J)erin and yoga K) no more lonliness L) FINALLY doing what I want M) paully & sav N)

It will all be ok. just gotta stay positive. make it fun, like han said (job searching, the process)

Monday, June 18, 2012

when situations can swallow you whole....

When You feel like a situation could swallow you whole, take deep breaths & just Be! If you can change/improve the situation then take the needed steps from a place within you of calm rather than panic. If you cannot change the situation then accept that it is so!! Talk to someone close to you & explain how ur feeling or write down your thoughts to let them out! Your mind can make things much scarier than they really are so listen to your heart!

Oh man, I just feel so torn. There is nothing I can do... but I just feel like I am on this slippery slope with Dan. Yet again another disappointing relationship. I dont know if hes smart enough or savvy enough to make money and provide for himself or me. Plain and simple. But I care about him a lot as a person, a lover and a friend. I feel bad for him and want to 'be there' for him because I want someone to 'be there' for me but I also feel like this might be a hopeless cause. I know my dad, annette and ME keep saying just 'focus on you'... which feels dumb. I am trying to chip away at what I need to do to get home, but all I want is love and affection to complete me. I know I need to just 'keep searching' and just make myself happy right now. Even if that is hanging out with other guys - which is NOT a bad thing or cheating. I just need to keep myself social right now! Especially because I get so depressed when I am alone too much. I cant help it that my friends are guys. I just want dan thats the sucky part. Not too often to you come across someone that you enjoy AND want to have sex with? Not often. So I cant just 'wait it out' anymore and just enjoy his company because he is not here! So --- now what? 'Focus on me'? Talk to other boys that I am so not interested in. Keep being disappointed with his lack of hard work and the fact that he is not making money, and continues to be a mooch. Bad signs for our future.

Besides, if he 'makes it'... he still will be very naive and uneducated. And this could come back up in 5 or 10 years? When we had kids or something. Oh man ... having kids with this guy?? Yikes. Like Charlotte said, he'll be saying the lampost across the street is giving him a weird vibe so thats why hes in a funk.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Dan

OK... so I am pissed every time I hear from him. What is he doing? I know he has to 'regroup' and regain strength. And I get that.. I wish so bad I could spend some time just 'healing'. But I have to work. I guess I just feel so stapped to my job that I am jealous that he can 'just leave'. PLUS, I feel lonely and its sad that he was the biggest thing that made me happy and feel normal and functional out here. I am trying to be happy for him, but its not coming naturally. What IS coming naturally is that I feel like he is lazy, immature and not my ideal mate. But I am lonely. Not a good reason to be with someone. I keep making excuses to myself that 'things will get better'. But he is just not very business savvy. Do I just drag this on? Or do I just go it alone? I'm in such a weird place. I have felt on the fence about him for so long. I guess I need to get myself back. Do I go back to Ohio? Is that really gonna make me feel better? I need health insurance. And I need a job that I can handle right now, not too stressful. I am hurt and mad that he left. I feel alone and sad. I know I can 'make it' and I will be 'fine', but its still hard not having someone to do little stuff with. Funny, I don't even care about the sex at all right now. I hate being in this weird grey area. I need to get myself feeling better. A)get into shape B) resume/portfolio C) Alyssa/girls/Elden D) haircut? E)Being productive. I still don't feel really 'ready' to be in a relationship. And I don't know how to 'be' towards Dan. I hold a lot of mixed emotions.