Am I mad at him? Am I knowing this is going nowhere? Do I think he is uncap able of making a living. is he living in a dream world? what do i say to that? is he going to come to ohio and continue to mooch? what do i say preemptively? is it rude to say, are you going to be able to afford food in ohio? i can't buy that for you. I cant get mad at him for being broke, or can i? I know how hard it is, first hand to get something going .. and i have a degree! i know its all bad signs, but i keep hanging on? why? how long am i going to torture myself? i mean i look at jeremy and think its shitty that hes in a relationship that isnt 'going anywhere', but i am doing the same thing. hoping it'll get better but knowing it wont. and then getting mad in the meantime. with a situation that i kind of know what the deal is. we are just so different. and he spent much of his life doing drugs, so he is behind in life.
I guess I just have to find a way to be comfortable in the uncomfortableness. Keep my eyes on the prize and focus on good things that make me happy. A)prospects of a new cool job with new people B) being home! bbqs, family, twins, dating, etc C) being thankful for my job right now. D) paying off school loans E) looking into masters programs F) feeling calm again G) not dealing with my crazy roommate H) being able to help caleb, go to aa meetings with him I) see han F) jessy j and lou G) jesse mckay & jenny H) gardens I) MOM! J)erin and yoga K) no more lonliness L) FINALLY doing what I want M) paully & sav N)
It will all be ok. just gotta stay positive. make it fun, like han said (job searching, the process)
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