Oh man, I just feel so torn. There is nothing I can do... but I just feel like I am on this slippery slope with Dan. Yet again another disappointing relationship. I dont know if hes smart enough or savvy enough to make money and provide for himself or me. Plain and simple. But I care about him a lot as a person, a lover and a friend. I feel bad for him and want to 'be there' for him because I want someone to 'be there' for me but I also feel like this might be a hopeless cause. I know my dad, annette and ME keep saying just 'focus on you'... which feels dumb. I am trying to chip away at what I need to do to get home, but all I want is love and affection to complete me. I know I need to just 'keep searching' and just make myself happy right now. Even if that is hanging out with other guys - which is NOT a bad thing or cheating. I just need to keep myself social right now! Especially because I get so depressed when I am alone too much. I cant help it that my friends are guys. I just want dan thats the sucky part. Not too often to you come across someone that you enjoy AND want to have sex with? Not often. So I cant just 'wait it out' anymore and just enjoy his company because he is not here! So --- now what? 'Focus on me'? Talk to other boys that I am so not interested in. Keep being disappointed with his lack of hard work and the fact that he is not making money, and continues to be a mooch. Bad signs for our future.
Besides, if he 'makes it'... he still will be very naive and uneducated. And this could come back up in 5 or 10 years? When we had kids or something. Oh man ... having kids with this guy?? Yikes. Like Charlotte said, he'll be saying the lampost across the street is giving him a weird vibe so thats why hes in a funk.
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