man i am pooooped. I can hardly sit at this desk. i would give anything to have more energy. Do these computers and electronics suck it out of me? bright floresent lights - geez. this is so unhealthy.
otherwise - just a lot reeling in my head about last convo with cal. he said a lot. some was hard to take. i know i was a little to forgiving because i am scared to loose him and because i am scared of being broke. bad reasons, on both accounts but - that doesnt mean my heart isnt in the right place. just confused. if nothing else, us being together has been a HUGE learning experience.
its just hard to take - that my 'sickness' brings us down. I mean he meant something like - i dont know what he meant. it just feels like he should be more supportive. ANYWAYS - he did say he was willing to go on to counseling. and that he is probably a lot to take. and its hard to talk to someone with all the answers. he suggested reading a relationship book together.
i know that what ive been missing is real good - deep down - pour your heart our conversations. Hes not very forth coming so on the day to day - its hard. Thats whats been missing - that communication and sharing.
I am going to try to have MORE FUN. do more fun stuff and not get bogged down with the day to day SHIT. I feel more optimistic already. I am excited for this weekend. and see good things in the future.
accupuncture - camping - concerts ---- i know i am going to start feeling better soon!
