I am just so tired. And I am scared that I have gotten up to 140 pounds! Ugh I have not felt this gross in a looooooooong time. Part of me just wants to give up on everything. I feel like a failure with life. I am so sad and feel so unattractive and fat. I miss cal. or i miss being with someone. I miss getting attention/affection. But then again, it was never consistent with him. It was like pulling teeth. It never just came freely. I wonder what the heck was up with that? I just want some affection - from someone that I actually want affection from. From someone that interests me and that I want to be around. Why is it that most people just bore the heck out of me? I guess most things bore the heck of out me right now in my life.
Good news is - day 2 of no coffee and my elimination today was sooooooo good! I will keep it as JUST a weekend thing. That is it! Feeling good to just have juice in the morning too. I really am not hungry and it feels good to have a clean bowel. and to have something light. Going to keep this up during the week and have a light dinner and hopefully be able to trim down. Also doing a decent amount of coconut oil to help metabolism. More raw liver to help get my iron up. And hopefully this endocrinologist will have something to say, though I am very doubtful!!! WHY is my hair falling out still??? My adrenals? Maybe I should have Dr.Cowan give me something else for my adrenals? Or start taking cortisol manager again? It is just so much $$$ I dont know where to turn. I just want to feel better, lose weight, have a normal thyroid and get rid of this candida! Do I need to get my fillings out? That just seems like it could make things worse!
I just pray to god that things WILL get better. I just need time and some love - luckily mom is coming out and I am going home. That will be a wonderful distraction from all this. Things will get better and I will get stronger. My digestion just needs to pick up the pace.
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