not so good - venting

I am so freaking tired. I sick of being sick. Im annoyed at everyone and everything. Just TIRED. want to go away and sleep and not have to do anything or cook or clean or spend money or worry about needing to meditate or further my career or help out my little brother or do something nice for cal or be in a good mood for him or go travel and do something crazy or do an enema. I JUST want to stop - i just want to feel better - feel happy. I did for a few days last week? What happened?? I just want to do something fun and easy and enjoyable and not feel guilty! I just want things to go smoothly. I just want to feel content.

I am just angry. Angry at my situation. Angry im alone dealing with this. Angry this isnt getting better soon. Angry that i grew up with an alcholic dad and a mom who couldnt be there for me. Angry im not in control. Angry im not better. Angry that im not that great at anything. Angry that im becoming such a loner. Sick of email sick of computers. want something REAL. Sick of this office.