Everyone wants something AMAZING

Everyone wants something 'AMAZING', euphoric ... People are searching, searching.... People get it either through alcohol or drugs, sex, constant 'doing', shopping, complaining/bitching/feeling like a victim (robin) ... Right now I feel low. I feel confused about my feelings for Dan. I want to be honest and genuine and the fact is - I am hesitant with him. But I also feel very strongly about him and want him around. Is it because I have no one else? Is it because he gives me the kind of attention and empathy I never got from cal? Would I feel different if I had my family and friends around me? I am sick of people saying he is not good enough for me. I mean Jeff always thought he would 'find better'. But then again, I still look - I still feel like there could be a better person out there. Yet, I want to be WAY important to him. And I like feeling important to him. Am I playing with this person emotionally? Will he ever be able to support me? Does that even matter? Is it a rebound thing like mom says? What the psychic real at all? I feel like in life I want something DEEP and meaningful and real. And he is about the most real/deep I feel about any of it. I am scared of quitting my job. I am sick of being tired. Is it candida/gut/mercury/thyroid/healing metabolism/WTF? emotional? being alone and doing so much on my own?my childhood?my heartbreak?this building?doing a boring ass job? too much meat?gluten?hashis?JUST SIMPLY: Not enough REST? Living with a crazy person? feeling guilty for not working hard enough? worrying about losing my mom? worrying about never having kids?worrying about being hurt and being alone again? worrying about getting cheated on again? worrying i will be poor? worrying i wont have organic food? Worrying I only have dan and not enough friends and other stuff.STOPPPPP worrying! I just want to feel good. and I know its possible.

Positive things:
My stomach doesnt hurt
Have a wonderful, loving boyfriend
Have a great mom, aunt, brothers, sister in law, friends, Boss,
Have a great job, and car and live in a sunny calm place
Can have whatever I want
Going to slowly take steps to go back to Ohio and go back to school
Going to go through my stuff, resume, portfolio (Itll be easier than I think)